Newborn

 We've made it one week.

I don't think I had any sort of appreciation for what new parents go through after a baby is born. It feels a lot like trying to swim in the middle of the ocean after having just a couple lessons in a kiddie pool. I think they also say it's like getting hit by a truck. But I think that's a poor analogy because no one expects you to get up and keep going after getting hit by a truck. 

When they say you have to feed the baby every 2-3 hours, that includes the ~1.5 hour it takes to feed them, burp them, and change their diaper. So if you're super duper lucky, you get ~1.5 hrs of your choice of sleep, eating, using the restroom, showering, or doing absolutely anything else every couple hours. (So long as the baby is willing to be down or doesn't ask to be fed in another half hour/hour).

For my 30th birthday, I woke up for the day around 11 after a less than terrible night with baby. I decide to shower after breakfast for the first time since before giving birth, 5 days ago. We went to a follow up pediatricians appointment for his bilirubin levels, to see if it had gone down. I forgot to put on sunscreen and fill in my brows, but at least I showered. Isaac bought me some flowers and strawberry shortcake from Fresh Market, and he wrote me a card he gave me later that night. I nursed for 4 hrs and 46 minutes that day and slept maybe 3 hrs.

...That was over a week and a half ago now.

Unlike finishing a big project or exam, this is every single day, and it'll be at least another ~3 months until we can imagine sleeping through the night. The days and nights blend together when you're only thinking about surviving. We're fortunate as well that my mom is cooking all our meals and helping with some things around the house. We can't imagine surviving without the help.

And while I yearn for a sleepful night and some sense of "normality", I look at baby every day and think about how he's grown or changed from just a couple days before and how we'll never see that version of him again. The paradox of time.

But here's to our new chapter of parenthood, of learning and adapting and growing on just a few hours of sleep, of experiencing and appreciating all the moments, 

even when we'd much rather just skip to the good parts. 

07.04.2025