Level 6: Highly critical both of self and others: picky, judgmental, perfectionistic. Very opinionated about everything: correcting people and badgering them to "do the right thing"—as they see it. Impatient, never satisfied with anything unless it is done according to their prescriptions. Moralizing, scolding, abrasive, and indignantly angry.
Self reflections of my Enneagram 1. This is me today, a level 6. Or not just today, but as of late.
'Other's really only pertains to Isaac, but since he has been my primary 'world' in this pandemic, it's still valid.
It's rather convicting though, to read what you've been feeling and behaving documented in a written form, and then be told it is classified as 'unhealthy' behavior.
I don't quite know how I've gotten here. Probably a combination of my distance from God, feeling a general lack of control in life, and a lack of busyness to occupy my mind. The general unrest in the world, faults of humanity, and seemingly impending environmental doom don't help either.
But this anger that I've been feeling has been rather consuming. I'm mostly been caught between feeling justified in my anger and feeling I should just let it go. The former tends to win out, and so my "scolding, abrasive, picky" self rears its ugly head. But maybe I just need to let things go. Does my anger help things to go better, or to be "right"? Is there any benefit in my annoyance and indignant judgement?
No.
Praying for grace, praying that I might be reminded of the grace of God towards me, praying that I might be able to let go of my anger and give grace to others more often.
10.23.21
No comments:
Post a Comment