10.29.2021

I awoke this morning feeling well rested after sleeping over 9 hours the night before.

But a message on my phone reminded me that the events of yesterday were not just a dream. 

Daddy was gone.

And so I was aflush with sorrow. Recalling the video-calls, my family's hysteria at the hospital, our desperate prayers, the frantic packing and drive to Plano, my dad's body in the hospital bed. My mom, thousands of miles away in Taiwan, saying over the phone, please wait for me, just wait for me to come back. 

Today I realized that I would never hear my mom call "老公" across the house ever again. 

Isaac said he had eaten breakfast already, and I thought of how my dad always made breakfast each morning when we visited. And so I wept again. 

How did this all happen?

How is this real?

How can someone's life just disappear like that?

In an instant his presence was gone forever. The clothes in his closet will never be worn by him again. The tools in the garage never used by him again. I will never again get to hear him call me "my lovely" and kiss me on the head. Never again will we get to go on a family vacation together and take silly group pictures. 

We will never be able to see the living presence of our Dad on earth ever again. 

These are things they do not say when they tell you to "cherish your loved ones" and that "time is precious". 

And while I am awash with sorrow, I try to remember that our dad is with our Lord now. That he feels no more pain, no more suffering, no more hurt. That he is in paradise with our Savior. 

But these do not take away from this new hole in our lives. The realization when you look at old photos and memories that our Dad is no longer here. And while we know that one day we will be reunited, when exactly will that be?