God is my strength.

It's 1:01 am on a Sunday night. My first alarm will ring at 6:30.

I should definitely be asleep now, especially since this week at work is sure to be painful. And I have unsuccessfully tried to decrease my morning-prep time down from 30 minutes (anyone have tips??).

I'm exhausted. I say it over and over again, but I have no idea how the rest of my team does it. Working 9+ hours a day, traveling every other week, trying to manage family life at the end of the day...how?! This surely isn't sustainable and yet here I am a year in and still wondering how they all do it.

I'm not faring too well, to say the least. My motivation and willingness to work such long hours and put in so much effort Monday to Friday is not what it was in college. I'm tired and grumpy, stressed and anxious, my shoulders seem permanently slumped, and the end is so, far, away.

I'm constantly having to remind myself,

You're doing okay.
Everything is going to be okay.

I'm working off this fear that I'll inevitably fail. That I'll screw up (even more than I already have), the world will collapse, and that all fingers will point to me. I can't quite seem to get anything right, and it's driving me crazy. I say, I'm exhausted, I'm so tired, I keep messing up.

But I realize I've been solely dependent on me.

But he [the Lord] said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

I feel like I have at least 10 more thorns than Paul. Forgetfulness, slowness, indecisiveness, inexperience...etc, etc. But then, I should be able to boast even more in Christ.

I am exhausted,
But God is my strength.

I'm weak,
But God is my power.

Here' to remembering the sufficiency of God.

it's 1:22 now.
I also need to call the electricity company today.
Also here are some cheery flowers from a couple months back.

07.16.18