adulting.

I keep starting these blog posts, and then not finishing them. Or I just end up deleting them. And then attempting to write again.
Like this one.

It's been two months since I last wrote, and I don't have a good reason. I've been running on cruise control once I semi-settled in, in thought and in action, and I haven't spent good time thinking and processing.

Getting acclimated to the real world is just as hard as getting used to college life. A process of waiting, hoping, having expectations dashed, and struggling to get your life together 75% of the time. On the other hand, the adult world is everything I had anticipated it to be...Cookie cutter people in sanitized environments. Where edges have been rounded out and conversations have been sifted down "Wow, the weather is nice", "Growing old sucks", "Doing anything this evening/weekend?" And as much as I want to jump out and shout about just anything else, I don't. Because no one does.

Finding friends is hard.
Working all day is hard.

I could complain all day about how things are hard.
I’ve been at such a loss. Asking questions like, What am I doing? What am I supposed to do? How is it that after 4 months I haven’t figured this out? I haven’t figured out how to click with people, I haven’t figured out how to serve, I haven’t figured out how to not be so anxious at my job.

The list goes on forever.

But what I haven't asked, is how have I been praising God? And honestly, it's been awhile since I've praised God. It's been awhile since I've stopped to think about how much He continues to bless me in this new stage of life. Despite my disobedience, despite my failing love, despite how difficult I find work to be, or how challenged I feel in connecting with coworkers.

God is good, and he is faithful. I just haven't been looking.
I praise God for evenings spent chatting with my roommate, for Sunday dinners and spontaneous potlucks with Isaac's family, for opportunities to share openly and honestly about faith struggles and life struggles, for sunny breezy days for eating lunch outside.

There is so much to praise God for.
And even as life drones on, I pray that I won't forget to find such joy in shouting praises to Him.

I will praise God’s name in song
    and glorify him with thanksgiving. Psalm 69:30

end rant.
11.14.17