Month 1

Things we love:

• Face while burping
• Grumpy brows
• Head full of hair
• Contact naps
• Hand holding while nursing 

Things we struggle with:

• Cluster feeding
• Poop + Pee + Spit up combo
• Gassy tummies
• Diaper changes

Elliott was born in a true south Florida summer. June and July were marked by daily downpours, oppressive heat and humidity, and the sweetest local lychee, longan, and mangoes. We're told that the harvest is unusually abundant this year. 

For memories sake, this year was also the first year of the infuriating and heartbreaking Trump administration and the same summer of the Hill County Texas floods. I cried thinking about what it would be like if I'd lost Elliott to floodwaters.

The only time I ever left the house was for doctors appointments - either my own or Elliott's. I found some kind of comfort from watching the storms from our sunroom windows each day, and being at home 24/7 was oddly more comforting than restricting for me.

The first two weeks were brutally gruelling. At one point I recalled watching the challenges in Physical 100, and the contestants describing their bodies crumbling under them. I thought, this must be the same feeling. First it was my recovery, which, was taxing both emotionally and physically. Getting RE-sutured TWICE while constantly replaying and contemplating the things that went "wrong" or "could have been" to avoid the physical injury is not a great place to be on less than 4 hours of sleep a night and having wild hormonal swings. Then it was caring for the baby every 2-3 hours at the same time. I've already described it in a prior post so I won't belabor it here. Finally it was the parents - trying to navigate their often illogical and contradictory rules of confinement, parenting suggestions, and opinions.

By week three though, we were able to get up to 2 hours of interrupted sleep at a time, which felt so, so refreshing. But before we could get too comfortable, we were met with daily crying due to gassiness and lots of spit up, what we were told was normal for babies of that age. At one month, it finally felt like we were above water. I got back to showering daily around 5 weeks, and started helping with household chores around the same time. Granted, we were still largely supported by my mom's daily preparation of meals and extra set of hands to hold baby, but still, we made it above water. 

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Elliott is now 7 weeks old. After the first month, Elliott's nursing sessions shortened so significantly that I rarely had a chance to come back to this and finish writing. But at this point, we've survived about two weeks without my mom, gone on our first outing with the three of us, and created some rhythms throughout the week. We've even hosted three dinners and had visitors on several occasions. Cluster feeding is still stressful and feels overwhelming all at once, and then goes away. But here we are, creating new rhythms and living as a family of three. It makes me hopeful as we grow our family, but still bittersweet as I think of the life we used to have. Truly life will never be like it was again, but maybe that's okay.

08.08.25