"Mama"

There's a lady at the OBGYN who used to greet me at all my appointments, even at only 9-10 weeks, as "mama". 

It felt weird and unsuiting - like a shirt too tight in the shoulders. For a long time, I didn't want people to know I was pregnant in part because it felt like such a strange identity to take on. Not that I otherwise identify so strongly as a daughter, sister, or wife, but that I wasn't quite ready to take on the label of "mother" or "mom".

 
Maybe I feel too young, or just unqualified for the title. It's like suddenly being asked to be a manager at work. Not a project manager, a people manager! A significant step up in responsibility after years of just being an individual contributor. Are you sure you want people to rely on me? Get instruction and direction from me? Be accountable and responsible to me?

There's a particular sense of freedom when you're only responsible for yourself. Certainly this changes when you get married, but in biblical terms, two become one. So, still in a sense, responsible for one. 

A child though, is an addition.

03.12.2025