Shifting

My dad has had two birthdays since he passed. It's been 26 months total - which sounds like such a long time, but also isn't.

I've been noticing how our rhythms of life are shifting.

How my mom will rant to us, instead of to my dad. 

How the Chen house seems rather quiet without the shouting of " 老公 "

How we wait for Timothy to come downstairs, rather than waiting to see when Daddy will come in from the yard and join us for dinner. 

How Melissa does the planting and gardening.

How Terry sets up the camera for family pictures.

How Mommy has to take the car to maintenance.

How Terry has to teach Timothy to drive.

How we have to help each other in the ways that my Dad would have.

Just the little things.

The past two years, we tried to maintain a sort of 'normalcy' or 'consistency' in spite of the changes.

We went on a family vacation.

We came home to celebrate Thanksgiving and the holidays.

We bought cake and celebrated all the birthdays.

But this year, things won't be the same.

For many reasons, but not any singular reason in particular. 

I just think this year, things really won't be the same.

I've started to talk about my dad in the past tense, about who he was and what he did. Or I alternate between the present and past. 

But I guess it's just the stark realization that this is the life we're in now. That our dad isn't coming back, and we just have to keep going on.

 

.....

It's spring here in Pittsburgh, the first real 'spring' for Isaac, and my first spring since 2017. I think my dad would have loved to see it - he would have seen these cherry blossoms and found some way to bring one back to Plano and plant it in the yard. 

04.10.2023