sophomore day #78

Hello.

It's been awhile.

It's been a strange several weeks. Busy, but not busy. Stressful, but not about anything in particular.
A mess quite really, but with no way to clean up.

The past few weeks I've been really far from God.
Not in the sense that I've been reveling in sin and avoiding God.
In the sense that, I feel there's a really wide gap between us, and whenever I reach out, He's somehow not there.
I still can't figure it out.
And yes, even while I was at a Christian retreat two weekends ago, I felt far away from God. Said/thought no one ever. I thought going would reinvigorate me, renew me, help me rediscover my love and constant need for God. 
But it didn't. Yes the messages were well spoken and full of meaning and good information, but none of it convicted me, moved me. God didn't convict me, move me. It's awful to say, but I felt like I learned nothing by the end of it. It was all things...God had revealed to me before. But even so?
All of a sudden, for the first time ever, I don't, can't, feel the presence of God with me.

I write this post for two reasons. 1. Because I know exactly two people read this blog. 2. Because I need someone's prayer. I don't know what to do.

Currently, I'm faking it till I make it. That sounds, so bad.
We're discussing Ephesians in our bible study and we recently went through chapter 3. Ephesians 3:8-11 says:

Although I am less than the least of all the Lord’s people, this grace was given me: to preach to the Gentiles the boundless riches of Christ, and to make plain to everyone the administration of this mystery, which for ages past was kept hidden in God, who created all things. His intent was that now, through the church, the manifold wisdom of God should be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly realms, according to his eternal purpose that he accomplished in Christ Jesus our Lord.

We discussed the aspect of His 'mystery.' The ESV describes God's 'boundless riches' as unsearchable. Something we can't search and find from the things here.We discussed how we often stop searching, for two reasons. One, because we don't feel it's worth it to continue searching, or two, because we feel we know everything. I'm determined to continue searching Him to understand Christ. He's is worth it beyond comprehension, and I know I will never fully comprehend Him.

So I won't give up. But for now, I'm just a bit lost.


THE END. 
11.05.2014