The more you read.

I never quite got into reading books.

I read maybe 4 or 5 books for fun from high school through college. I could list them for you - Ender's Game and The Hunger Games series.

Yes, that is it.

I also read Mere Christianity and The Meaning of Marriage, but I wouldn't necessarily categorize those as "books for fun". In theory, the idea of transporting yourself to another world and going on these new and fantastical adventures is lovely, but I could never be bothered to do so. It was just too much energy. I much preferred getting my 'adventures' through brief TV shows that created all the imagery for me. Embarrassing, I know. But that's another story.

I do quite enjoy reading articles though. Articles and hearing podcasts and news about things in life. Maybe I'm just too much a realist - I never wanted to venture far beyond what was real in well, this life. My life.

I read an article by the New York Times today about how Millennials glorify the #hustle - what used to be called "surviving the rat races" and "workaholism" is now "owning the moment" and "loving what you do", whilst working 80+ hours a week. There was another article by The Atlantic about how #KonMari and the Fyre festival demonstrate Millennials' vain attempt to attain and portray perfectly organized, fantastic lives they do not have. On the flip side, I heard a podcast by Hidden Brain called "Close Enough", about how people have begun using online videos to vicariously live through other people doing things (i.e. woodshop, or dancing, or cooking, or relationships), instead of actually doing it themselves…Because it's easier.

It's a perfectionistic, performative, publicized, people-pleasing world we live in today. The 4P's of marketing? People either show that they're doing and loving it all, or they retreat away to live through other people on their phones. I've become more and more disillusioned by both - I don't want to do it all and love it all, and I don't want to pine after those who do. Social media seems to be this gathering ground of people who love their job, or people who have well-decorated apartments, or people who vacation to incredible places, or  people who are just beautiful. And everyone else wishes they were them. At least, it feels that way.

That's not to say that any of those things are inherently bad. But what's wrong with just, doing life as it is? Must we always try so hard to 'keep up with appearances?' Life is not perfect and it is not always wonderful. Nor is it always terrible and doomed. It is just, life.

No matter how much or often I clean my kitchen (~5 times a week), I will inevitably cook, and it will become messy again. Every vacation requires hours of working and commuting (in the most annoying traffic) and maintaining other bills and errands.

There are indeed, beautiful places in the world, wonderful relationships with friends and family, and joyous occasions to look forward to. And these are all blessings from God (James 1:17). But there will also be strife, trials, and tribulations. It's what makes all the pleasant things all the more satisfying, right?

In the end - life is just....life. No matter how lovely or ugly the wrapping paper is, it's all pretty much the same inside. The opportunity to live another day.

All this to say, my prayer for myself is that I might pursue what matters. That I would not waste my time staring at a screen, thinking about what I'll "start" during the weekend and wishing I was doing something and sitting somewhere other than where I am now. Nor would I store up pride while showing off all the things I think look "good" in my life. Instead:

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33

But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. Philippians 3:7

 end rant.