photography

and Carlos. (my camera)

I've always struggled to find what photography meant to me and exactly where I wanted to go with it. Though the lucrative promise of photoshoots and such are tempting, I've never had much confidence to do them.

People in general are such difficult subjects. I learned photography from my dear brother, and consequently I've taken up his aversion to posed shots. I love human connections, relationships, and small talk, but I've just never quite been able to set up a posed photo.

Must be the inept artist in me.

And so, I revert to shooting flowers, landscapes, architecture, animals, and other things that can't speak to me. God's artistic work reigns superior; takes the work off my part.
And of course candid/event photos. The subject is not supposed to speak to me.
I've taken photos for 4 VBS's, 1 prom, 1 photoshoot, 1 (paid) conference, my volunteer organization, and for (nearly) every event in my fellowship. Yet in lieu of creating a facebook page or website, I post on my private account without watermarks, the (arguably dying) flickr platform, and the remaining on this (little-viewed) blog. And then I send photos through dropbox.

But even so, I often crave the attention and praise (and sometimes money) that so many other photographers get.
Is it so difficult to put a PC on your profile picture? I struggle with the pride I have for my work and high technical standards for shooting, selection, and editing, but my dislike for watermarks, self promotion, and "the mainstream".

I love my photos, and I'm proud of them. I shoot on rapid shutter so I guarantee a clear photo, and then spend hours editing them for color and lighting correction, and then a couple more erasing shiny flash foreheads, stray hairs, and the such. I love vivid colors and strong darks, and I try to maintain my own consistent editing style throughout.

I love shooting pictures for people. I love opportunities to shoot events and people. Even if posed shots are hard! I still love doing it for people. And I want to share my photos! I think photos should be shared! I love when people set my pictures as cover photos and profile pictures and phone backgrounds. I love to know that I 'contributed' something to somebody. Served them in some way.

But do I want them to be such a public commodity? Should I care if I have ownership over them?

Maybe not. Maybe so? God's given me a great talent and wonderful opportunities to use my skills to serve Him. Maybe I'm looking at this all wrong. All the glory to Him right?

Welp. This resolved nothing. To be finished another day.

not the end.
05.21.2015