freshman day #223

Yes. It has been a long time.
The week after Spring Break was quite taxing. And to be honest, it's been quite a test from God. A test I definitely did not pass.

The sad part is you never really realize till it's all over.
Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday I stayed up till 4 every morning working on a power point for our class presentation [major case competition presentation].  There's a bit of my soul in that powerpoint to be honest, but I'm quite proud of it. But nevertheless, I've been excessively stressed all week worried about that, my exam, my major, and my life [another post to come].
But at the end I realized how much worse off I was because I tried to manage it all myself. I have this excessive need to control everything and where has it gotten me? I lose sleep, the trust and hope I had in God, increase my worries, my stress, and in the end I still did quite poorly in everything. Really poorly. And it burdened me all the more because I wondered 'What did I do wrong? What more do I need to do?!'

In bible study we discussed how we reflect on others as a Christian. And as "miss goody legalistic two shoes" I always (wrongly) thought I never had much of a problem with that. But there's one thing I fail constantly at demonstrating: my hope in Christ. My peace in Christ.

WORRY implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives.

STRESS says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace towards others, or our tight grip of control. 

 -Crazy Love, Francis Chan

In Matthew, Jesus says in a number of instances to his disciples: "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" and "Why did you doubt?"

And as kids we said, "Silly disciples, didn't they realize Jesus was there? Didn't they realize that Jesus is all powerful and that he can do anything?" He calmed the storm, he walked on water, seriously, they saw his power.

And after everything He's done for me, I couldn't see it. I didn't believe.
Silly me.

END RANT
03.31.2014