#NotetoSelf

"People who believe they’ll be happy if they go and live somewhere else, learn it doesn’t work that way. Wherever you go, you take yourself with you."

― Neil Gaiman 

I am a daughter of the living God,
Cherished,
Loved,
And adored,
Above all things,
By the Creator of all things,
For the glory of Him who is greater than all things.

And after coming to college, after all the trials of the first couple of months, I can honestly say that I believe in that. I was afraid that if I left Texas and tried to start over, my feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness, and failure would follow me. I was afraid I would still be scared to make friends, always self conscious about what they thought of me, and constantly doubting myself. I was scared that with every failure I'd want to crawl back into a hole and wallow in self-pity.
But you know what? Somewhere between preparing to apply for colleges, applying for colleges, getting accepted, and going to college, I found Christ. I truly, found Christ. I found a love that surpasses anything I could ever imagine, a hope that reaches to the depths of the coldest and gloomiest places in my heart, and a joy that is greater than all the trials and troubles of this life. And that sounds SO CHEESY. Like, man I stocked that thing full of your stereotypical Christian lingo. For me, the Christian lingo fits, it makes sense, and I think it describes what I've found/experienced better. But let me state it differently.
I don't feel like, or think I'm shit anymore, because I know I am of some worth. 
Because God gives me worth. Because He sent his SON to DIE on a chunk of nasty wood, hung by nails, so that we could be saved. And if God gave that much effort so that us sinful, (and what I thought I was) shitty people didn't have to go to hell, then there's seriously something in that relationship. There's something He saved us for, saved me for.
He made me worth something.

And nothing in this world can truly fill me or make me happy, but God can, and He does.
Like when you seriously crave pizza, and you finally get pizza. It's how pizza fills an empty stomach and satisfies that craving. Kinda.

so THANK YOU God. You are so good to me and I can't truly bring you anything, but you have given me everything, and Lord I praise you for being so GREAT, and I pray that I won't ever forget that. I pray that I'd give myself to you.
To you be the glory, forever and ever, amen. 

THE END.
this was a really spontaneous rant...